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That is a really long subject title, but I really do love the quote. It is really truthful if one was to sit down and think about it for a while. Being a person that is surrounded by people that lie reguarly, I've found that laughing at them is better then letting them kill me. Anymore I get really tired of listening to the lies that spurt out of everyone's mouths like a bullets on a machine gun. Honestly. Does everyone finde me to be a nieve fool that is incapable of thinking on my own? If you don't want to talk to me, tell me. If you're aggravated, then tell me. Is it that hard for a human being to say, "hey, I'm annoyed, I'm signing off, you bother me." Now, this might seem a tad bit harsh to some people, maybe even myself now that I reconsider it. But. Really, I'd rather have the truth...an honest blunt full out answer, instead of lolly swinging around the bush of lies. For some reason I've been cursed with the ability to always find out the truth whether I want to or not. It's as if some pious or unpious being plucks it out of thin air and plants it right before my eyes. Why? I have no clue. For what reason? Well, it could be good as anyone elses assumptions and conjuctures.

As far as my day went. I'm happy to say that I turned in my rough draft for AP English, groaned about the twenty-six Hamlet questions that I have to finish, and bullshit the math homework for tomorrow. Oh, and Craig says that karma killed my tetris game on my calculator. Go figure.

On another note which is probably the only pleasing thing today. I was out taking pictures with my camera, and I must say that they look really good. Well, at least I think so personally. They're pictures of flowers, fall leaves, and the one mullberry tree in the backyard which is now decked out in bright yellow leaves. Besides putting up with a set of aggravating parents, an obnoxious brother, and other worthless people, the only fun thing anymore is photography. That, and reading. Because photos and words can't speak and annoy like human beings can.

In Thee

I really do like this song by the Blue Oyster Cult. <3 That, and Godzilla...and a slew of other random ones. =D Anyways, today was alright....I guess. I finally finished my speech in Brit Lit, so that was good. Most of everyone didn't have their paper, so I was quite happy on that note. =] I didn't feel like much of talking today, and had half a mind of wandering away from everyone....though that might sound odd and weird to most peeps. I guess...I just feel like I need some time to myself, away from everyone and the comments. Family and friends alike, though everyone is bound to say that I'm sulking and crap. >,<;;. I just need a good dose of sleep and moony time. lol xDDD As weird as that sounds. =P

Oh well. =]

You can't always get what you want.

I love this song! xD It literally speaks the truth about life! Quite literally! Anyways, I'm finally back from a wonderful weekend with ten other girls at Kalahari, a indoor water park about two hours from where we all live. I've learned one thing about parties like that. Never have them for more then one night at a time. Why? Well....girls all in the same space.....some that don't like each other.....oh yeah drama! xD Besides the drama stuffs it was alright all in all. The park was pretty saweet, and I got to go down my first slide with Elise, and then with Lissie ( I probably butchered her name, but oh well lol) afterwards. I guess the only downfall of this weekend was the fact that Mr. DeMattie posted the grades for Brit Lit, and I now have a seventy-eight percent in that class. I feel like crap. =[

I'm tired......and ready to doze, so I write more later. XD


food for thought

Have you ever just sat in your room and look out the window? You know, just sitting there watching random birds fly by, or watch the wind whip around the scraggly looking branches on that one tree? Man, I've sat on my bed watching the random dust particles fly slowly down to the floor, and sometimes it seems like time stands still. Like someone just warped the entire scene in my bedroom, and that even the slightest change in my breathing is noticable. It's like a crescendo of some hurricane winds whipping around or something. Anyways, I spent yesterday really sitting around in my room, spazzing about my Brit Lit speech, and honestly finding that my parents couldn't be more screwed up. No, correct myself, my family as a whole in this episode. I've decided that every single time that I attempt to make contact with another human being, it always ends up coming back to kick me in the ass. I guess I'm bound to be a loner, or some random hermit lady living in a cave in the holler. I really honestly don't know. I know this though....life just sucks ass sometimes. And, for once I honestly don't believe what my one friend told me a while back. Families fighting, cursing, threating others with knifes isn't life! It can't be! It can't be normal for a family to do such things! I mean, if it was, then that would mean that every family across America treats their kids like crap, and that we shall all be doomed to the regrettable mental and physical torture that is family.

To say the least I don't buy into my friend's bull shit. Now, onto the subject of friends and such. Honestly, do I see myself being friends in the future with the current people I hang around with? To be truthful, I really don't know, nor am I going to say yes or no for sure as of yet. I don't what the true meaning of friendship is, nor what the true meaning of love is. Sure, I've been in love, and walked down that road of lovey dovey bull crap. I've been down the road of friendship too, with it's gimmicks of sisterhoods and promises that everyone will be buddy buddy to the end. Yet, I've had my heart broken by the ones I've loved the most, and I've been backstabbed by the ones I trusted. But, really....I don't even care at this point! I laugh at it anymore! Why cry or scream or shout when nothing is going to change?! Is my mom going to stop screaming if I pray, or if I beg her too? Is my friend going to spend less time on the computer because I ask polietly? Are they going to stop swearing, biting their nails, or go to church more often if I ask?! Sometimes, I wonder if anyone really honestly gives two shits. Like that movie The Invisible, where the one kid gets to see how much his mom cares, yet treats him like crap for the first portion of the film.

Bah, hell with it.

angst bored angst bored angst bored...

Alright, spring break, great fun, but you know what? I have to say sitting on my but was good on friday.....but now it being Monday, I'm bloody bored! Why? Well....I just find it sad that I'm doing my brit lit project ahead of time o_O that it's almost done for one thing, and that I should be reading those books that I haven't touched, but I don't feel like it. =/ Sure, I could be digging through that huge shakespere (sorry for the botched spelling) book that I got for my birthday, or the books my friends got me for christmas...but..eh. Not in the mood I guess? Plus, I've hit a dead end with the story I'm writing....a stalemate I guess. I mean, I'm really into the story which is odd....I've never really gotten into a story before, you know? I really like it so far! XD Even though everyone else might not like it as much =P

Anyways, yesterday was Easter, and I got to go out with the folks to church and out to eat at some European place. I played the flute at the church, though the trumpet kids didn't play too well, but at least it was a happy day, so I don't think God would strike 'em dead or somethin'. =P Then we went out to eat, ate some funky omlettes and such, and then went home. I got to go driving with dad later on, 59 bloody miles! XDD I went out all the way to Lorain county, so that was awsome. Oh! And Home Dep. =D Came home....sat around....was bored some more...watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Angst. Angsty. XD

Day before that I saw Jenny at the flower store with her mum, whilst I was driving dad around town. XDD So, yeah, that's about as exciting as it gets. XD Oh, I did get some money for Easter, so I actually have cash to spend! I'm excited! =D



I blame the Our Lady Peace song for the title XD Anyways, today was alright I guess....I think the most redeeming parts of today was the fact that I got to drive around, got an email from Steven, and helped out my church. I got to be assistant pastor today, which was bound to happen I guess....mainly due to the fact that everyone is either leaving or not caring about having someone to help out the pastor. Though that's my pessitmistic view on things =P The pastor he made me repeat the closing phrase at the end of the service....I talk quietly, what a crazy statement! =P I distributed the communion wine, read a scripture, and then got more music from the music lady for me flute. Though the flute lessons are a little too pricy...and I'm probably going to end up not joining band in the end. Though all the circumstances aren't even my doing...so I guess it can't be helped....but it makes me mad as hell sometimes. >,<;

Yesterday, my Aunt came over for the day, and I went out with Jenny and Elise after her SAT testing to get paint at Michael's, and get food at the chinese buffet. Jenny banged her head on the one picture about five times, I got scolded for being quiet, and laughed when Jenny tried sushi for the first time. XD or second time? Don't remember. XD Then came back home after Jenny dropped off Elise...I got conned by some stupid prank into going into a movie with her this weekend. Sunday I think to catch Step Up 2. -__-; I think I'm going to hang out with Elise friday, but with her sister's concert, then I most likely will be at home. Eh, it's all saweet in the end. =]]

Bleh....me sleepy XD


Steph (stephmuffin) tagged me...should be interestin.' XD

* Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
* At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.</font>

eight things you never wanted to know about my life
1. I have never climbed a tree in my life....yes, laugh it up. XD
2. I cannot eat eggsalad period. I kinda do this odd gagging thing when I do, and it's kinda wierd. o_O
3. When I'm sitting I have a habit of curling my toes XD
4. I've only been camping twice in my life
5. The previous owner of my house supported the Nazi's durin' WW II.
6. I am not a fan of Veggie Tales. XDD
7. I can't stand watching the Wizard of Oz. The whole book and movie freaked me out like hell when I was younger.
8. I've been everywhere in the USA besides Alaska and Hawaii. XD I want to go to Forks this summer in Washington....woot for rainy weather! XD



President's day

Yeah, creative title, no? Eh, I'm not running with any creativity today....sort of disappointin' I guess. Anyways, I must say that the weekend wasn't too bad, and that the Youth Group is bound to get a good amount of money from the candy. Which is always good =]]
I brought Jenny and Elise, Michael came along, and things where pretty fun and all. We ate lunch and dinner at the church, didn't get to go sledding, and played man hunt. They drank coffee, I drank some funky tastin' pink lemonade, and we watched Dane Cook and Saw IV. Which was nasty XD I crashed Sunday after dropping off Elise, and then was surprised by two new shirts by my aunt, which was nice. =] I got a Pink Floyd and an OSU one, which are both warm and fuzzy so I'm not complaning. Today I woke up did some chores, and Jenny picked me up for the Wii party. Daniel didn't come, so that was good =P We ate pizza, I got my ass whooped at Wii tennis, and yeah...XD

You know what I've been thinking of lately? What I'm going to do about my senior year and all. The whole band issue, I'm still mauling it over, and I know that everyone is bound to jump on the 'I told you so' wagon. To be honest....I miss playing my flute...I miss playing sports, and practicing each day. It's a great feeling really...something that you can't honestly get from sitting around with your family and friends, or at school whilst taking a bitch of a test. I want to feel that feeling before I leave high school....something that's different and not blah and bland like everything else now a days. Hell, I know I'm not going to be able to join just by looking at my own family. They can't handle change, they can't handle really anything, and if I do it all gets shoved on my dad. Fact is...I'm going to end up shoving something aside for money, a job, and my family. Something just seems unfair about that.

Running up that hill

You know what sucks? Is when you wake up in the morning feeling quite insignificant, and that everything you thought was alright really wasn't. I mean, sure, everything was alright when you went to bed....but in the morning it's all different, you know? See, the sad thing is...I know I have to admit it.....and I'm scared too....I mean I'm literally shaking...yeah, that's how pitiful I am. I'm scared.....I don't know how to handle it, you know? I feel like I'm being torn in two....that no one can help me, not even the guy that made me that parties it up in Heaven. So, who can possibly save me when I fall on my knees defeated and helpless? I wish I could switch places....feel what it's like to be normal....not with this feeling that I have...it just won't go away..

huh huh

Well, I haven't posted in this for at least a week...woot. XD Sort of, I guess. Christmas was pretty good if I do say so. I dunno...I wasn't uberly excited about gifts this year, though this might sound odd for someone my age, I don't know. XD I went over my aunt's house like we do every christmas day, and I got to see my little cousin, right? And, he said the sweetest thing, though I don't think that my uncle and aunt really know the whole deal about it. My first cousins, they could really give a rats ass about me and my family. My youngest cousin only thinks about how quick she can get out of the family gig, and my other cousin just cares about herself. BUT. The youngest entity of the family, Stephen, is the only one that really cares, and he's only three bloody years old. Sure, he might not care about me when I get older, but I'm sure as hell going to spend as much time as I can with him while I have it. *nods head*

Anyways, today has been rather dry actually, considering that I had the gall to start my speech for Brit Lit class, and we have at least another two weeks and such. I conned dad into letting me drive for an hour, which was really...odd? XD I mean, I got to drive all the way from my house down Abby, mainly because I'm too scared to go down any of the main roads yet :P I pulled out of Sabol's driveway, and all the way back home! Of course, I only hit a grand total of two lights, and made about, eh, maybe at the most, three turns. :P But it's been good anyways...=D



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October 2008



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